


I am a Steven

by Magmaster



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Depression, F/M, Post-Episode: s06e19 I Am My Monster, Steven Universe Has PTSD - Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Therapy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-11
Updated: 2020-10-10
Packaged: 2021-03-07 16:07:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,471
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26940373
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Magmaster/pseuds/Magmaster
Summary: A story chronicling Steven's recovery after the events of I am my Monster, looking into his character growth and interactions with his friends and the other gems.
Relationships: Connie Maheswaran/Steven Universe
Comments: 1
Kudos: 12





	1. Chapter 1

With Steven wrapped up in blanket sobbing, the cluster carried the gems, Connie Lion, and Greg back to the beach house. Steven was still grasping Lion, sobbing uncontrollably. The cluster lowers itself down to the beach where everyone walked off onto the surface. Amethyst ran right into the temple first. Steven turned to look at the beach house, yet again with a destroyed wall all because of his own actions, he tried turning away.

"Don’t worry about this Steven" Bismuth said. "I promise we can get your house back to normal even quicker than the last two times." Amethyst came running out holding clothes for Steven. "Here you go bruh, I think you need these you are a civilified boy after all". She said. Hearing this caused Steven's breathing to calm down slightly to a less strong sob. Connie looked away as Steven started putting on his fresh pair of clothing not even thinking about how all the crystal gems, crystal temps, the diamonds and spinel were all there and following him, concerned as he started slowly climbing up the stairs to the beach house. “You know what I think all of us might be a little overwhelming for Steven, me Lion, and will go in first and then some of the others can come in as well,” Greg said. “ That’s a great idea,” Connie said. “I’m going to call my mom and see if she can make a housecall, he clearly doesn’t want to go to hospital again but maybe she can help figure out what he needs.” Garnet nodded in agreement and looked towards the Diamonds and Spinel. “You two should probably return back to Homeworld,” Garnet said. “But the last time we saw Steven was so long ago and we are so concerned will he really be okay?” Blue Diamond said. “Steven will be fine,” Garnet said sternly.

The diamonds and Spinel all went back into their ship as Greg walked over to Garnet. “Did you really mean that Garnet is Steven going to be okay?” Greg asked, putting his hand on her shoulder. Garnet removed her visor to reveal tears flowing from her three eyes. “Yes Steven will be fine but he needs you right now.” She said. “Okay, then I will,” Greg said as he ran up into the beach house. Steven collapsed on his bed he could see through the window to see that the diamonds ship was taking off and sighed. Lion jumped onto his bed as well as if he understood the emotional distress that he was currently under. Greg climbed up the stairs to enter Steven’s room. “Hey, schtuball I just wanted to see if there was anything you wanted to do.” "No, I ... I just want to get some rest,” Steven said. “Okay then”, Greg said as he left the room. “So you can stop by tomorrow then”. Connie said talking into her cellphone.” That will be fine, I’m going to stay here so I can be here for him until then. I have all my homework and studying tools here right now so I should be fine. Love you mom.” Connie hung up her phone and sighed. “My mom won’t be able to stop by until tomorrow but she said we just need to make sure we are keeping a close eye on Steven, we can’t risk anything else bad happening,” Connie said as she strolled around the living room area.

Steven laid there on his stomach on his bed, the pillow covering his face as he tried to tune out everything in the world around him, crying feeling like the body he was inhabiting was going to fail on him at any moment. He eventually heard Connie’s voice and her touch on his shoulder. “I brought up some board games we might be able to play if that’s okay with you,” Connie said as she nervously played with her hair. Steven could only look into Connie’s eyes thinking about what she told him earlier about taking care of him because she cared for him on such a deep level. Steven still sobbing hugged Connie. “I’m sorry Connie.” He said. Connie returned the hug. “So is that a yes?” Connie asked, smirking, and starting to sob as well. “Let’s start with Conquerors of Eldermore,” Connie said before she set up the board for the game which was joined by Amethyst, Peridot, and Greg. At one point Steven was given the option to either attack the village belonging to Peridot or Greg. “Steven if cease and desist your attack on me I promise my armies will conquer everything and leave nothing left,” Peridot said. “Well if you put it that way I guess I have no choice, sorry dad,” Steven said. The other gems placed a tarp on the house to cover up the hole while some others started bringing over supplies to patch up the house. Steven’s friends just tried to stay casual with him, casual conversations, casual game night, and eventually a casual meal. 

“Hey schtuball how about we get some Pizza,” Greg said. “Sure I think I’m going to have pepperoni on it,” Steven replied. There was an awkward silence after Steven had said. Oh no Steven thought to himself, I’m doing something different and they’re concerned again. “I can’t stick to being a vegetarian, it hurt me a lot but just plain cheese pizza is absolutely boring it's like just a breadstick with cheese and I can’t keep setting a good example”, Steven said. “That’s fine Steven you should do whatever makes you happy,” Greg said. “Yeah,” Steven replied as his mind wandered back to Jasper, would doing what makes him happy be a good thing or bad thing, he wasn’t quite sure what made him happy anymore. He looked back toward the board game and his friends. He knew this made him happy, knowing he had friends and that they appreciated and loved him and maybe just for now he could just think about that.


	2. Pink Lars Powers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lars sense something is wrong with Steven. Should he worry about his powers the same way Steven does?

Eventually, everyone had left for the night, Steven told Pearl that she could wait outside her room but didn’t want her to get into the habit of watching him sleep again. Just lying down Steven could still feel his heartbeat racing, the stress of everything that had happened was not going to let him fall asleep even if he was tired. Not that it mattered, he had no plans for tomorrow or any of the coming days he could sleep whenever he wanted as long as he remembered to record Camp Pining Hearts. Connie offered to stay with him as a sleepover but he really wanted to try to sleep on his own, knowing the gems will be looking out for him anyway. Even though this was his first night sleeping in his own bed since his fight with his dad the night consisted of Steven leaving his lights off in his room trying to sleep, occasionally watching random Tubetube videos on his phone, and once trying to beat a level on one of his Gamestation games. Soon Steven heard a spaceship land in the distance, he checked his phone realizing it was 3 in the morning. Steven! He heard a voice calling out his name it sounded like Lars. "I don’t care what time it is I need to talk to him." Steven overheard him squeal the pink Teen had soon intruded his way into Steven’s bedroom. "Lars, what why are you here right now?" Steven said half awake, his eyes dropping. The crystal gems stood in between Lars and Steven. "If you need to speak to Steven it can wait until the morning he needs to rest right now," Garnet said sternly. "Fine", Lars groaned.

Steven soon drifted back to sleep and was eventually awoken as the morning sun peered into the windows in his room, it was a strange feeling, being so exhausted physically and emotionally from the previous day and still feeling tired after what he guessed was a full night's sleep. He looked out the window and saw Lars just sitting there on the beach clearly bored out of his mind. Steven quickly rushed out of the house in just his pajamas and jacket, not even giving a chance to great back Pearl Amethyst or Garnet. "There you are Steven", Lars said glaring at him. "So what’s up Lars you decided space was too much to handle?", Steven said. "No, it’s these headaches I’ve been getting this sixth sense type of thing you know, they get stronger and stronger the further I am from the planet but they come and go and I have no idea what to do about it," Lars said. Hmmm. Steven said to himself he walked around circles around Lars before tripping in the sand. "There it is again", Lars said in response. "Wait Lars are you hurt", Steven said. "No, it’s like something just went off inside my head or something", Lars said. Steven then looked Lion and then back at Lars. "I think I get it now Lars, you’re starting to get your Pink Lion Powers!" Steven said. "What do you mean Pink Lion powers you mean there’s other stuff I can do besides being partially alive, not eating and sleeping! Lars said. "Of course Lion can do all sorts of stuff", Steven said. "Like he can a sonic roar attack, create wormholes and even run on water." "Wait really? Why didn’t you tell me these things earlier!?" Lars yelled. "It never came up", Steven said. "I never knew what the heck my powers would do and the gems kind of always left me to figure things out myself."

"You should try running on the water that’s got to be easy right?" Steven said. Um okay. Lars reluctantly agreed. "We can do it right now, you probably just need a far enough head start", Steven said looking around the beach. Steven found a stick and drew a line. "Okay start right here, and run as fast as you can until you reach the water and just keep going'' Steven explained. "Um sure", Lars said. Lars started taking deep breaths and bent at the starting line before running as fast as he could. "That’s it Lars you can do it", Steven said as Lars inched closer and closer to the sea, as Lars was trying his best to run in the sand. "You can do it", Steven yelled. 

Lars kept running into the sea and eventually created a huge splash as he got all wet by the ocean. 'Well, that was pointless', Lars said bluntly. "We can always try something else like maybe if I get you to try the fire salt again you can create a wormhole", Steven said. "Fire salt no way I’m not trying that again, I’m just going to have to figure out my powers as I go", Lars said. "But aren’t you afraid of hurting people?", Steven said concerned. "Nah the off colors trust me and I trust them I’m sure they can handle this. I’m going back out to space now." Lars said. "Oh", Steven said. "Don’t worry Steven", Lars said as he pulled out a Gem Communication device. "You can call me on this thing whenever you want to have another space adventure instead of just popping out of my head whenever you want", Lars said as he climbed right back into the Star Skipper. "Oh and try sending over some new movies I can watch space is like 80% traveling and gets really boring," Lars said before the space ship took off. 

Steven sat on the beach watching the sunrise thinking about how Lars could just be so chill about possible new powers he couldn’t control. He closed his eyes as tried relaxing to the sound of the waves."Hey." he heard Garnet from behind she was standing behind him with Amethyst and Pearl. "I think it’s time for you to come back inside for more rest right?" Garnet asked. Yeah, you’re probably right Steven said as they all walked back to the temple.


	3. Steven's Song for Sadie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sadie and Shep need Greg's help setting up for a concert, what will happen when Steven tags along.

Steven was back lying in his bed wearing his yellow shirt and striped pajama bottoms trying to make up the sleep he lost earlier this morning, but the stress, thinking everything that had happened over the last few days was still pretty hard for him to handle. He had still probably gotten the most sleep since the road trip he had with his dad. He walked down the stairs to see that Garnet and Pearl were already preparing breakfast for him. He said good morning to all of them as he went to the bathroom.

Steven looked at himself in the mirror, his eyes were bloodshot and had bags underneath. He opened the mirror to get his shaving cream and shave away the bristles of hair that were already growing out of his face again. He washed his face and thought about showering but was taken aback when he saw that the empty bottles of the diamond essences that were still in the tub, he quickly pushed the shower curtain aside. He didn’t want to think about his actions even as his skin quickly turned pink and his head inflated. Instead, he quickly put on a fresh change of clothes he kept in the bathroom took a deep breath, and stepped out. "Oh, Steven your breakfast is ready," Pearl said calmly. "And if you would rather have a protein shake we prepared one of those for you too and we can just through this breakfast out", Pearl said. "Yeah and then I’m going to put some motor oil on it and enjoy it myself", Amethyst said. No, it’s fine you went through the trouble I’ll just have both. Steven said somberly as he started to chow down on the waffles  
Steven soon looked up at them and turned Pink again as his face expanded. "Ah, I’m worried about the diamond essences", Steven shouted. "That’s fine Steven we can always go to the diamonds for you and ask them for more," Garnet said. "We could also create a bottle of your essence too so we won’t always have to rely on you the next time we play volleyball," Amethyst said laughing. 

However, even after finishing his breakfast, Steven could not stop thinking about how close he had been to permanently shattering Jasper if not for his tears. "Where is Jasper?" Steven asked. "She is likely still in Little Homeschool, I’m too sure what she is doing", Garnet said. "I’m going to the see if she needs my help, I can introduce her to some classes she might like I," Steven said as he grabbed his jacket and started walking out the door. "Steven, you’re welcome to do that but we’re perfectly capable of helping Jasper too you know.", Pearl interrupted. "Yeah, bruh you should probably stay home and relax', Amethyst said. Steven looked over at Garnet hoping her future vision would shed some light on this predicament. "They’re right but you should still probably leave the house while we repair the giant whole," Garnet said.

As Steven walked out of the house he saw that Greg was talking on the phone. "Yes, that’s the place it should hold about 200, and be sure to have someone set up the merchandise for the t-shirt sales upfront. Wait you mean you’re in Scranton, today. I’m sorry I must have gotten my schedule all mixed up we can video chat."  
Steven interrupted Greg. "Dad". "Oh hey, Schuball", Greg said frantically. "You’re not having trouble with Sadie and Shep’s next concert are you?" Steven said. "No it’s fine I can video chat and this will all work out," Greg said. Dad, you have a flip phone that doesn’t have a video chat," Steven said. "How about we take Lion to where Sadie and Shep are performing so you can help set up. You can even be there lead in". Steven said. "Okay but I’m not making this a regular thing, right now my place is here with you", Greg said. Fortunately, Lion had not left Steven’s side still so he and Greg climbed right onto him. "I’m not too heavy for him am I?" Greg said nervously. "Oh you’re fine, he likes you right Lion?", Steven said as Lion kept his usually stern face. Soon Lion started running as he warped Steven and Greg into a wormhole that led to a new city. 

Soon Steven and Greg got off Lion to be greeted by Sadie and Shep. "What’s up Steven", Shep said as they reached out for a fist bump. "I’m okay," Steven moaned as he gave a light fist bump. "The set up is right this way," Shep said. "It’s good to see you, Steven", Sadie said as she reached out for a hug. "we were hoping I’d be able to sing that island song at the performance today but I need you to show Shep how to do all the musical cues." "Island Song?" Steven questioned,. "You know that song about being where ever you are, you sang it for us when we were stuck on mask island," Sadie said. "Oh right," Steven said as he ruffled the hair on the head with hand. I think I can help you with that I just need to get my ukelele. " "Thanks, Steve",. Sadie said as Steven jumped into Lion’s mane. "I haven’t played this in a while so I just need to tune it up real quick," Steven said as he plucked the strings while tightening the pegs at the end. "Okay, I imagine you want to sing it, Sadie?" Steven said. "Yeah", She said. "Okay Shep you just use that EWI to repeat every other cord I do and hopefully you can get the hang of it," Steven said. 

As Steven played along to Sadie’s singing he forgot about all of his worries and anxiety that had faced him. He even managed to pull off a casual smile that he hadn’t done in quite a while." That was really good Sadie", Steven said. "Yeah, I’m surprised you haven’t played that in a while I thought it was your thing", Sadie responded."Well, the ukelele has felt a little small ever since I had my growth spurt, I’ve always had a preference towards the guitar more anyways," Steven said. "Why didn’t you play that instead then?" Sadie asked. Steven tensed up again, tightening the pegs on his ukelele as he tried to suppress his emotions. "Well, it’s um complicated, I haven’t been able to even bring myself play music ever since I well," Steven said. "I made this really lovely song for Connie and when I played for it I proposed and she said no", Steven cried out. "Oh," Sadie said seemingly nonchalant about what Steven just told her. "Oh? You’re not surprised that I did something like that", Steven said. "Well you did possess Lars’ body and have him confess his love to me you’re super sentimental like that, I think Connie knows that too", Sadie said. "But what I did was so awkward, she said no and I took it pretty rough." Steven said "Well, every relationship has its awkward phase, you don’t need to worry about it, I’m sure you're close enough to Connie to know why you did it but it will only feel awkward until you talk to her about it. Shep said. "Wow you’re right Shep, thank you bot of you.' Steven said as hugged Sadie. "No problem Steven, don’t be afraid to talk to me if you’re upset. You’re like the closest thing I have to a little brother, and I’m pretty sure Lars feels the same way even though he’d never admit it." Sadie said  
Stars filled his eyes upon hearing what Sadie had said. "Really I thought you wanted nothing to do with me, no one told me Sadie Killers was braking up and all you guys were moving on, I just thought that none of you guys cared about me." Steven sighed. "Look I care about you a lot Steven and maybe we should have tried harder to stay in touch but that doesn’t change that we care about you a lot and I’m sorry", Sadie said. 

"I’ll try to keep in touch with you while you’re on this tour Sadie," Steven said as he checked his phone. Oh my gosh, I have my home appointment with Dr. Mahashwarren. Steven said as he leaped onto Lion. But what about your dad? Sadie yelled. Steven’s mind became distressed again. This is what he needs now anyways bye. Steven said before Lion roared a new portal into existence for Steven to vanish into. After disappearing, Greg found Sadie in Shep in the back alley where they were performing. So what did I miss? Greg said.


End file.
